Don't Vote for Erinn in 2008!!

Sometimes I just have to wonder what Facebook will come up with next. I must admit that although I roll my eyes every single time I get an invitation to add yet another "application" in order to guess which celebrity boobs are which, find out what Disney princess is my alter-ego, or discover how well I know my 80s cartoon characters, most often my curiosity gets the best of me and I download the application anyway. Then, once I have made my way through the entire quiz or set of soul-searching questions, I find out that I have to send the application to 5 dozen other friends in order to find out the results, which I never do. After all, I don't want to bother the rest of my friends with such utter ridiculousness. Therefore, alas, both my Disney soul mate and my 80s cartoon knowledge shall remain mysteries until the end of time.



One application that I find more ridiculous than most others and yet have on my profile anyway is the "Compare People" application. Although it seems a bit petty to be judging one's friends and acquaintances in this way, I have to admit that I was intrigued to find out whether the small subset of my friends who had also added this application judged me to be outstanding in any way. I was not at all surprised to discover that I was NOT voted "Most Punctual," as I have maybe been on time for about 6 occasions since 1993. I was, however, slightly shocked to find that I was in the running at number 2 for "Best Companion on a Desert Island!" (I have since dropped to number 3, as my more sensible friends weigh in...)Knowing myself as I do, I am not sure that I possibly know anyone who would make a WORSE companion on a desert island. First of all, miniature disasters seem to follow me wherever I go. For example, just last week, I was locked out of my apartment building because my huge metal key had mysteriously broken in half. I had not dropped it under a truck, whacked it with a blunt object, or accidentally stuck it in the wake of a circular saw. The bottom half of my key was just gone, and I was out of luck. These sort of shenanigans are practically second nature to me. Second of all, I have no survival skills to speak of. My darling friends take me camping every year for the sole purpose of providing comic relief, since I certainly can never help set up the tent and probably could not start a fire to save my life (unless of course the fire was unintentional, accidental blazes are one of my specialties...). Additionally, seeing as how I can barely cook regular food, I doubt that I would be much help whipping up broiled island beetle with a side of banana leaves drenched in sea salt. Third of all, while you, my desert island companion, were trying to come up with a plan to get us rescued, I would probably be trying to think about which Jimmy Buffet song best described our tropical situation. You would find this amusing for a time, but trust me, you would get over it by the third chorus of "Cheeseburger in Paradise."

The only explanation I can come up with for my new found #2 title is that people thought they were voting for the best companion on a dessert island. I am proud to say that although I can't cook, I can bake with the best of them and I certainly know how to appreciate a good chocolate when I find one. So now friends, if you should decide to compare me to your other friends on Facebook, you will be able to make an informed choice. If only all politicians were so straightforward. :-)

My Resolutions for 2008

Last year, in 2007, I made all sorts of lofty New Years resolutions. I vowed to eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables every day. I resolved that I would exercise 5 times a week. I knew that in 2007 I would be able to read all sorts of enlightening books, about which I could then discourse elegantly with people twice as smart as I am. I promised myself that I would somehow miraculously stop doing so many foolish things. Sadly, I'm pretty sure that I broke all of them before the week was out. I still want to do all of those things, but I think I'm also going to make a few more resolutions, ones that are perhaps a little more minor and slightly more achievable. So, you heard it here folks....here's how I plan to have a fabulous 2008...

1. I solemnly avow that I will stop scraping the side of my car on the side of the garage. I will give myself 2 free small scrapes or one large scrape. Nobody's perfect....

2. I will stop throwing things out of the shower and forgetting about them. I've realized lately that I do this all the time. Empty shampoo bottle? Just toss it out the side of the tub and throw it away later. Razor blade dull? Just throw it out the curtain, otherwise I'll certainly forget to put it in the garbage can. The problem is, I always forget the second step in the process. My sainted roommate never says anything, but she surely must be annoyed by this little habit of mine...

3. I will make myself like cucumbers. All I have to do is eat them 17 times, and I'll forget that I don't like them. This has worked perfectly in the area of broccoli, tomatoes, and asparagus. I'm certain I won't be ready to conquer the carrot until 2009...

4. I will stop spontaneously bursting into the song "How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?" Not being particularly fond of doggies, I can't figure out why this song is ALWAYS in my head. I will be taking suggestions for a new default song throughout the month of January. Please make it something cool.

5. I will never again leave my keys in the apartment door after I've already gone inside. Please don't tell my mother, but I seem to do this approximately three times per week. For some reason I'm always carrying armloads and armloads of stuff, and never seem to have a free hand to pull the key out of the door. This is probably not a very safe habit.

6. I will find myself an "And Guest." I am forever receiving wedding invitations addressed to Ms. Erinn Danielson and Guest. Don't get me wrong, I am fantastic at going to weddings alone, but sometimes I feel like I should help the bride and groom out and stop messing up their seating charts. Said "And Guest" does not have to be a boyfriend, just some sort of man who likes to dress up, dance, and keep me from falling into the snow when I'm wearing slippery shoes about 5 times a year.

7. I will not acquire responsibility for any new animals during 2008. A tankful of suicidal koi fish (seriously, one jumped out of the tank last week causing me to temporarily lose all sense of profesional decorum), two matted long-haired cats, two aviaries full of birds, and the proverbial doggie in the window are more than enough to keep me occupied. If one or both of the cats should expire, I shan't cry.

8. I shall make no further emergency trips to Lund's grocery store in my pajamas. This resolution expires once the nighttime temperature is consistently above 60 degrees.

9. I will stop stepping in my soup. Technically, I've already broken this one, since I just did it a couple of hours ago. However, everyone deserves a second chance..

10. I will not break any of my previous 9 resolutions. Seriously this year... ;-)